I'm sitting in the Frankfurt lounge - have 3 hours before the flight to Bangalore. Its our first trip back since my dad got sick, and we were all nervous. I think my mom is most nervous out of the 3 of us, because she keeps telling me and my dad to relax. Um, yeah, we are ok. Are you?

I'm so worried about leaving them alone in India. Sure they will have people to help them, but those people are paid to. Its not like they will go out of there way or give that extra special touch. They don't care like I do. And its embarrassing for my dad to admit his disabilities as a result of the stroke. In the last week I have come to realize that he is almost completely blind in his left eye. Its a hard adjustment for him - he keeps thinking he can keep doing things the same as always, but he can't. And there are certain adjustments we can make so that he would be more comfortable, but then he resists that, because he doesn't want the "handicapped/ disabled" label.

I wish I could stay with them for the entire trip. But they have to get along without me and I have to go back to Miami to that darned office.

The last four months have not been what I thought they were. I'm working all the time, and then I'm so tired I don't do anything else. I miss Arun alot, and I'm not hanging out with any friends. I've got to change that after I get back to Miami. But I guess I'm ready to do that now. This period of transition, of readjusting to my old home, my old city and this company, I guess it called for me to be a hermit. Now I am more comfortable with the situation. At least, it has settled in that this is permanent. I'm not going back to DC anytime soon. I am working for my father full time. Its been hard to accept but its sunk in now.

Somehow, I am afraid my dad's time here is short. And I need to hurry up and movc on with my life. Meaning get married and have a kid ASAP. Run dad's companies successfully so he doesn't worry. Get a house, be a boss, be a mom. Um, maybe I'm putting too much pressure on myself. But I want to make the most of the time he has left with us. And I want to make the most of my life everyday. I don't want to waste anymore time, I feel so short of it.

One thing I should start doing is working on the book on his life. To start, I think I need to carry a digital voice recorder and just taping conversations together. Interview him and transcribe - put things in his own words. At least that would give me a creative outlet - instead of crunching #s all day.